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Nepotists CC v Shepperton CC

Sunday June 24, 2018: 1.30pm. 40 Overs
Toss: Nepotists, Bat
Nepotists: 9-238, 40 Overs (Hoar 96, Price 45, Mason 30)
Shepperton: 10-235, 40 Overs (Sparrow 3-24, Tambling 2-33, Price 2-50)
Result: Win
Scorecard: Here

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I’ve been called many names, mostly bad, mostly deserved, but yesterday’s was very unwarranted. Getting to the non-striker’s end, Shepperton #11 opened with “You fucking Prat! What the fuck do you think you’re appealing for? I fucking hit it, everyone fucking heard it, and you carry on like a fucking idiot… blah, blah, blah, etc… etc…!”

Correct me if I am wrong but when a bowler believes the ball would have gone on to hit the stumps had the batsman’s pads not been in the way, it is his right to appeal. Yes? I certainly did not think the fat bastard hit the ball. For the benefit of any doubt he was still given not out yet I still copped a spray!!

The Spirit of Cricket, the code under which we all play, is by and large adhered without mention or reference so in keeping with being called a ‘Fucking Prat’ I replied in kind  by calling him a 'Fucking Cunt!'. With fucks going back and forth the umpire said, “Come on, it’s a friendly!” I asked him to remind that Fat Cunt the same and that I have the right to appeal for LBW.

Some may argue the ‘pressure of the game’ reached boiling point with Shepperton needing 9 of the last over and the Nepo’s two wickets. Personally, I think it was the Cunt calling me a Prat. Pressure had nothing to with it, but he got his comeuppance when given out LBW off the last ball; Nepo’s 3-runs to the good and Holgate Trophy retained!

Unsurprisingly it was a subdued post-match compared with last year’s team photos, speeches and trophy presentations, which culminated in the suggestion of returning the ‘long lunch’; 12pm start and 90min boozey lunch. For whatever reason, that didn’t happen and following the ill-end to this match, neither did the speeches or presentation, the trophy given by the tea lady for all I know.

Until then it was a great game with the Nepo’s reaching 238 off 40. Actually, it was Carl Hoar (ENG) (ignore 1st ball) with an awesome 133, Rich Price (NZ) a deservedly thirsty 50 but only 45, Jim Mason (AUS) an incorrectly scored 30 and only 29, and Damian Tambling (ZIM) what looked 30 but only 15, were the only scores of value. That said if not for Ali Baloch (PAK) 5, Steve Werren (AUS) 4, and Kahuna (AUS / POL) 1, we would have lost in the 39th over and none of this eruption would have occurred.

For the 2nd inning records I opened up the hill, delivering 5-1-19-2, with debutant Bilal Khattak (PAK) doing his luckless best down the hill with 5 overs for 37, ultimately ending 7-1-54-0, going for 13 off his final and the 39th over. Rich replaced me going straight for 8-1-50-2 including the crucial wicket of the dangerous South African, which could have put us to the sword early. Damian tidied up nicely from his stiff performance at Kew delivering 8-1-33-2.

Steve Werren (AUS) was injured from Rich Price’s pedestrian attack at North Enfield last week and so gifted the gloves to Ali, whom until now had never kept wicket ‘at this level’. [insert your interpretation here]. In lieu of plenty of byes and broken digits Steve bowled 3-1-4-0 keeping us in the game with an uphill mix of unplayable shit and non-called illegal deliveries, whilst wearing only one shoe!

Jim replaced Damo for 5 tight overs downhill that went for 29 but bled 15 off this last ending 6-1-44-1. Uphill, ‘Nepo global’ took a step forward (or backward) with our first Papua New Guinea national taking to the Lime Green & Magenta.

Kupa (Jim’s Old Mate) having little to no idea as to how to play, accepted the opportunity to replace Steve and admirably came home 1-0-9-1, with Ali taking a blinding catch down leg, Shepperton now 8-163. Surely, we wouldn’t lose from here but let’s see what Kahuna can do. Encouragingly he went 1-0-8-0, which was awesome considering the next 4 overs by Jim and Bilal went for 37, leaving myself to bowl the last and the rest you know or don’t want to know!! Nepo’s finally with 2 wins from 2.

See you at Royal Household on Saturday!

Yours in belligerent Nepotism,


SCHWIM MOMENT: Damian Tambling for his outstanding unflinching catch at cover!

NACA: Kupa 'Old Mate' Warner for openly admitting he has no idea about the game. When bowled he was told this was when he needed to leave the field, and after taking a wicket, he needed to express a little more surprise!!

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